Im broke. I spend all my money on weed cigarettes alcohol and food. In that order. I cant even cut one of those because you know it'd be food. I already stopped getting my nails done just so i could support my bad habits.
We walked in and the first thing we heard was, "OH SHIT! White chicks!" Naturally, I made some new male friends.
(917) i just came from walking.
haha you just came from walking?
my co-worker, his best friend who also works with us, an my baby daddy, ive turned love triangle into a retarded shape with to many sides to pronounce
I'm currently witnessing my drunk neighbor attempting to fold laundry on his front lawn. I think he's trying to spell out HELP.
I know now the amount of smoke it takes to set off the fire alarm....no longer worried about using the bong...not even close
Would I be bad if I bought a pregnancy test at shoppers the same time I hand in a resume? Or do you think it would get me the job?
I went to look at my notes for my take home final and all I had written was 'you're on E. You won't remember a damn thing anyway.'
Somehow those two combined like captain planet and shit went haywire
to instagram or to not instagram the picture i took of when i shit in the urinal
Opted for cash back rather than the 10% extra I'd get for store credit, solely for drinks tonight.
You're lovely.
Did you have ill-advised lesbian sex on the deathbed of their relationship?
Of course. Go big or go home.
You're my fucking queen.
Night one million where I have madri gra beads around my neck and no justifiable reason for where they came from
I just made my dating life into my own game show. would you like to meet the contestants? (photos not included)
Sent. All. My. Texts. Like. This. Last. Night. Thank. You. Weed. Also. Had. A. Dream. About. A. Serial. Killer. That. Killed. Everyone. Except. Me. And.
Randomize
