There's a "art of the blow job" class in the city. We should go
Baby, I'm all set with that. That would be like trying to teach bruce lee how to kick someone in the head
too bad they don't have a 'people you may be able to do' thing on facebook. it would save me a lot of fucking time.
So you know how craigslist used to have an "erotica" section? And how after you click on a link it changes a darker color? And how Dad stays up really late most nights?
Oh god... well at least he's gettin some. Mom's a prude.
which bright sisters idea was it to put semi-formal in the middle of no-shave november?
Fail #1 I puked off the balcony onto the balcony below us and when I tried to pour water on it in the morning to wash it off it just went all over their deck. Sorry room 1342 but welcome to Jamaica
I told her the maid must have stolen all my condoms. She bought it
The cab driver doesn't know where we can find an empire state building shaped dildo either!? What is wrong with NYC!?
you tried to fill your inhaler with vodka
I thought it was my alarm clock, turns out it was her vibrator still going off on the side of my face.
Oh my goodness please please please my inner slut needs some pampering, shes getting rusty and nothings worse than a rusty slut
I think mark twain said that originally
I think it's gonna be hard to find a guy that won't take my consistent drinking as alcoholism
And speaking of good acting I may have a sex tape now
I'm just gonna back away slowly and come back when there's less weird crap.
Foreign objects found in purse this morning include: chocolate covered pretzels, pepper spray, and farm animal shaped key chains (you know the ones you squeeze and fake poop comes out, yea those)
Ugh. It's days like these that make me wish my bad habits would kill me faster
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