Is your delayed response due to the massive amount of judging going on?
i wish i could google "things to eat in my fridge" so i wouldnt have to go downstairs and be disappointed
Dude I thought this was going to suck, but moving back in with my dad is like being at a frat party every night only everyone is 40 years old.
Come scavenge bits of tuna out of my chest hair
I wish there was a non slutty way to ask the guys across the hall if i can copy their men's bathroom key so I have one for my one night stands
beware of the wheat thins...there might be a knife in it
your drunk mistake has arrived...he is the one wearing a poncho
Tell your boss that he's keeping you from eating a fuck sundae off of these 36-24-36 34 D's waiting for you at home on Valentine's Day.
I think he offered to cook me dinner or cook me for dinner. Not really sure. Just smiled and nodded.
i feel like i should invite him over so he can cockblock my roommate one last time before he graduates. for old times sake, ya know
I didn't think I was even that high but when we were standing in the cop car's headlights I totally forgot how to use my arms
So I paid Bumble $10 to see who liked my profile for a month. Cheap, easy dick. It's all about the economics, yo.
i am currently wearing a bowl of frosting on my head. i do not regret any of my life choices leading to this moment
I passed out in your bed last night...there maybe a snickers and twix bar under your pillow
You just kept telling everyone to call you MFT.. Mother Fucking Tornado.
Randomize
