Just deleted any ex boyfriends and potential lovers from my phone in preparation for Vegas...
Don't worry we didnt bang. Sometimes I just bring guys home so I don't order pizza.
so its official, girls can see a boner through my snuggie.
It's not my fault I help girls realize they're lesbians.
The baby slept soo good last night. Its like he knows the importance of me being intoxicated all weekend.
Despite what happened tonight, Im still expecting Jesus birthday sex
CONGRATS VODKA, YOU WON RHIS TIME..
Apparently someone switched my cash for monopoly money after midnight so I couldn't get any more drinks at the bar
Dude she threw his clothes out n 8th floor window and her dog tried to bite his dick off. So the answer is yes it could be worse...
I need to get my pants from under your porch. People are asking questions.
she said i was like a little lamb and she felt bad for luring me into her den of sin. then she blew me.
Being a virgin isn't supposed to be this easy for you.
i showed up sober to class for the first time. my prof said that i was "off my game today". i love philosophy
Welcome to drink and talk like a Russian afternoon.
Pirate drinking day will be planned for shortly
I approve this so hard.
It's always appealing to be able to say to someone "I banged your mom"
Of course that's what I'm wearing. I need to find a beard to mount and ride STAT.
Randomize
