I'm peeing chunks and puking liquid. Did I at least have fun last night?
im sorry but my first introduction to your dick isn't going to be a pic sent from the men's room
Leaving the dealer's house. He just gave me a sincere hug and said good luck. This cant end well.
Come help me clean. I know we won't be getting our security deposit back...but I would like to move out with our dignity.
we've decided to start cutting you off when you can't figure out how to work an ipod.
The first aid guy just told us to go get hammered...I'm taking his advice
So the bump is from hitting my head in an elevator. Apparently I dived into a cab head first too.....
She dresses like Bruce Banner and fucks like the Hulk. She is all of my lesbian fantasies come true.
See if shell let you call her dr banner in bed
Why I hate online dating: not even one day in and a 57 year old asks me to call him "Daddy."
Unless he's under 18, in which case you put him back where you found him this instant.
I'm glad you found someone that both loves you and is cool doing coke off your tits. Proud of you.
Your ex roommate is making out w the kid who pees on floors and it's kinda funny
Sorry, my phone died and I decide to charge my vibrator instead. #priorities
For full disclosure: I told my roommates last night that you have a very clean asshole.
Somehow my life has turned in to drug deals at the bar, and illegally camping on a mountain because I have no where else to live.
Randomize
