Dude, just got a bummer.
What??
A blow job from a homeless chick.
Just saw an old lady trip and stumble. Laughed. Kept Driving. I'm going to hell.
i wish starbucks made bloody marys
I'd give my left nut to see you
don't do that. I like the set
A. What the fuck are period panties? B. Don't ever wear them around me... or bears.
Dude you make losing your phone an art. You left it balancing on a two liter bottle in the kitchen. Wtf
Wearing the flip cup varsity team sweatshirt was the best descision of my life.
Why is it every time you ask me what I'm doing, I'm at a police station?
Where was Alyssa when you were sniffing the bouncer?
Passed out on some guy who looked like someone from Duck Dynasty.
FINE YOU CAN EAT HOT WINGS WHILE WE HAVE SEX
Nothing says "i love you" more than flowers and potatoes
well i can officially check "have sex in a prius" off my bucket list...
I woke up with a pube in my teeth...I'm disturbed cause we're both clean shaven
She blew me while I watched the jets game and the hardest thing was deciding what to focus on more
I didn't mean that as an expression. I'm literally asking if you want to watch Netflix and do nothing.
Randomize
