the red head has a bf
just because there's a goalie doesn't mean u can't score
Ps what kind of horrible ppl are we that we both checked blackberries during sex and neither minded?
Just saw cops pull over the ice cream truck. What a dick
Just so you know, each of my boobs fits perfectly in a martini glass.
finally nailed that neighbor chick. hopefully i can get her wireless password now. free internet trumps moral standards any day
Note to self. Champagne flavored lube is neither as tasty nor as classy as one might think.
Drunkenly found an error on my bar tab last night. THANK YOU ACCOUNTING.
Saw on the news tonight that Hamilton county's syphilis rate is 9x the national average...use protection!
Thanks, mom.
Agreed. That's like a marriage. For better or worse, till death do us part. I will hold your head over a toilet
Why am I always the sober one?
Cause you're the only one with any sort of self control. It's kinda your super power...
I'm so high I would give anything in the world to be inside my lava lamp right now
My Captain America poster fell down. Cap is disappointed in my life decisions.
I can't hookup with a guy in my car because it smells like Taco Bell..
If I take one more surprise finger up the ass this week there will be hell to pay.
I don't mean to alarm you but are the strongest testicles in the family. I just learned I can lift 90 lb with my balls! Beat that.
Randomize
