I got drunk at the beach today. I got the word Badass! tatooed all the way across my foot. Probably a bad idea.
just saw a guy try to order booze in his coffee at 8 am.
i was drunk and our names rhymed...what was i supposed to do?
Just beat my spinning in office chair record. Almost puked. Totally worth it.
I hope so. I just start to question my lifestyle when i pee on coffee tables
I made my rape whistle into a roach clip device. FRESHMAN YEAR!
The guatemalans kept making all these sexual suggestions ... With the corn
Also, new rule: You are no longer allowed to send me a text with the word "dildo" in it before 10am.
We learned a lot about one another. I showed him around the town I grew up in and he informed me that he has had a threesome and killed a cat
And the horses in Central Park have blankets. And Rafiki just told me "it is time" in the back of our cab.
Yes... I'll kill two birds with one crazy ecstacy filled night.
I was thinking that maybe I should not apply to Wells Fargo because they def have me on candid camera taking a drunken nap at 3am in their lobby.
What would you do if your asshole suddenly made the sound of a sheep duck baa/quacking the words kill me
You are so incredibly one of a kind, it's astounding
Don't let me publish my memoir unless "hurt my ankle drunk irish dancing" is at least the title of a chapter because that is really the whole story of my life.
She abandoned me on the doorstep of her hostel. Turns out you can't bring one night stands into those places. Slept in a train station next to a tramp. He gave me chips. And didn't steal my shit while I slept. So I'm counting this one as a win
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