Do you think Capital One would let me put the Tub Girl picture on my Capital One card?
Beat you to it.
let's have our labels/stereotypes/careers for each kid by next week.
oh how i love working at summer camp.
Yea...but the guy who is beating me has a ponytail. So actually, I'm the winner here.
you are the best fuck buddy i could have, all the others get feelings and morals involved
Watching that soccer game was like getting kicked in the crotch for an hour and half and then coming right at the end.
Fucking him was like shopping for my first training bra.. Embarrassing yet extremely useful
the whole "pretend to be sober/pull it together for my family" thing really blew up in my face when i threw up into my pillowcase.
I feel like an ass. I'm not blacking out ever again. I want to clean your feet for a year. Just like Jesus did.
So ive narrowed my options down to getting food or masturbating. Don't judge me
It's hard to be judgmental of others when you are wearing silver pleather.
You should have seen the pharmacists face when I paid for my inhaler refill and a box of condoms.
Remind me in the morning that I've now seen a guy do crack. That actually happened. I'm at the wrong party.
The whole bar erupted and in happiness and confusion as I went on about pancakes.
I'm currently using a band-aid to cover my bar stamp from last night while I ask my professor for an extension. That's a sign of getting more responsible, right?
I’ve jerked off three times and taken five shits already today. Being hung over in your 40’s is a fucking roller coaster.
Randomize
