He about cried when I ordered pizza online. He said it was a miracle.
Just threw up in airport security. Happy holidays.
Just wana tell you im wearing assless jorts tonight. Ive been waiting my whole life for this.
You can't say "they have anal bleaching for that" and then just hang up
we drunkly made out in the middle of the street beside the homeless guy playing the flute. Not how I imagined our first kiss.
I am lonely and I want to touch your beard
How can I politely yet provocatively ask you for a cock shot?
I donkey kicked that mother fucker. Never stood a chance.
It was a door. A completely inanimate object, of course it didn't stand a chance you idiot.
Why are you there anyways?
Pickin up ball pit balls from craigslist
Let's buy some Wrangler jeans and be real live men.
I need a drink and a shade of lipstick that will put the fear of God in a man's heart.
Afterwards he face timed like four of his friends screaming he banged the hot intern.
Dude they are making elephants out of dollar bills. I'm way too high for this
Soooo you're telling me you support us groom's men giving lap dances to willing patrons?
Who the hell tries to steal eggnog.
Randomize
