Ehh boy. FML. she was unattractively large.
I'm afraid we're only dating because we're too lazy to look for anyone else.
I know I said that I'd stop dating 20 year olds... but at least this one's not my student...
How could you not be happy? Its like "and then I found 5 dollars" but "and then I found a handle of vodka"
They were lying down in the parking garage pretending to be speed bumps...
My boyfriend woke me up in the middle of the night to have sex with me right before I had sex with another guy in my dream. What a unique sixth sense his penis has.
Don't talk about his dick. That's mine. There's a copyright on it. Use with permission
your love of good penises attached to ugly faces is disgusting and slightly disturbing.
i thought i should point out that whatever else you can say about me, i've still gotten high with a midget.
I know it's like I wanna bring somebody fun who I haven't drunkenly expressed my feelings for. Or hooked up with. It's a struggle.
Everytime I get drunk I wake up hugging the bag of bagels from three months ago
I just wanted to personally thank you for throwing clementine slivers at me across the room while we made out
The condoms have been found. I repeat: THE CONDOMS HAVE BEEN FOUND. he isn't a collector!!!
I'm glad that we laid to rest the suspicion that he was keeping them in a scrapbook. yayy
He drove me to my therapist appointment because I was too drunk to drive. Total keeper.
Just got back from a Walmart run. The music went straight from Kid Rock to John Phillip Souza. If that doesn't scream 'MURICA I don't know what will. Happy 4th!
Randomize
