Have you learned any life lessons?
I like big butts and I cannot lie.
I just threw up, I'm either bulemic or pregnant, and I'm now accepting bets on which it is
The last shot i remember taking was toasted to "love, sex, and magic". Needless to say I was 0 for 3 on that toast for the night.
he actually said the words "do you want to pet the lizard?" with a straight face as he unzipped his pants
Look at my eyebrows in this pic! We deffo need to go back to that waxing place.
You have a cock in one hand and a shot in the other. Your eyebrows are not the topic in need of discussion.
when your 30 and im 37 and we're lonely and single, lets make a pact to murder each other.
I just replaced the poop spray with an air horn... Now we wait!
The only math I use in every day life is figuring out how much I can spend on alcohol and still have money to pay my bills. High school lied to us.
Immediately after sex he layed on the floor and acted like my yellow bra was pac man
Interesting. All i can really say is humanoid shaped doritos bags melting very slowly
Ehh, the third backed out. Two still isn't bad. Who gets a bootycall to pick them up from a bootycall's house anyways? Only me.
my hair smells like a mixture of fireworks and rotten eggs with a hint of shame. it's so strong it's keeping me awake.
but like who hasn’t gotten fingered at the state fair?
When we started the night I was in zebra wedges & she was in my black boots... I woke up wearing pink flip flops & the mirror on my rental is fuxked up. Wtf happened last night?
His sex game is strong it’s like a warlord’s dick! you know what I mean?
Nope
Randomize
