what time did you get home last night?
SO late...when your in the lap of a 35 year old superstar you loose track of time
He said to me " i could be your father but i dont care"...it was so hott
You just compared our sex life to a seven year old kid.
I just woke up under a kitchen table with my sandals taped to my feet and a corona bottle taped to my hand..
Wearing a Sarah Lawrence sweatshirt is like wearing a shirt that says, "I'm getting a degree in substitute teaching."
i love insurance, just had an iv with 4 bags of fluid, 2 shots of finagrin and a 2 hour nap . woke up without a hangover. all for $20
Drinking in an igloo changes everything.
we're at Rob's house and just invented the best drinking game ever....we are on Chatroulette and everytime we see a dick we all have to drink.
Getting drunk now, but later remind me to tell you how to crash an 8th grade grad party.
I knew it was time to leave Waffle House when you started singing "What's Your Fantasy" to your hash browns.
Just found out my 21st birthday is on a Wednesday. The possibilities are cheap, as well as endless.
I went up by the border of Canada. We took shrooms and went fishing...pretty sure we killed a dragon and ate it for dinner
also somebody did cough syrup and i was really worried but i couldn’t express why properly so i was like MACKLEMORE SAYS NO
Just in case the world ends tomorrow, I have an emergency contact group of booty calls I can send a quick "let's fuck" to before I die.
Why does everyone always assume I'm fucking their boyfriends?
You are fucking her boyfriend.
he made me cum so hard i had an asthma attack
Randomize
