I just had to sit down with an 11 year old who threatened to dick slap a girl.
I just cleaned my sheets and decided to do a black light test. My headboard is a masterpiece.
I just hit a new low..poured my beer in an empty coke can so I could drink in walmart.
I'm reciting my presentation (beer in hand) on the porch to a snowmen audience.
He kept making me pretend I was his personal trainer. When I swallowed his cum he made me pretend I was drinking a protein shake. Thats actually what it tasted like.
Drank a fosters this weekend and last weekend. Listening to down under 5 times a day. Spent 100 dollars on a sleeveless men at work shirt circa 1983. We don't leave for another 5 weeks. I call it pregaming.
One my way home. There was too much fog, strobe lights, and cocaine for my taste.
I'm at work, and just realized I the beer smell I keep getting random whiffs of is my bra. I fail at life.
Look. If you get me out of this speeding ticket you can bang my sister. Or my mom. But not both.
This is the second girl that said she wanted to fuck me while wearing a clown nose. Fuck online dating
Where are you? We're in between the guy dressed as a giant inflatable penis and the Justin Bieber lookalike lesbians
Does the penis have a genital wart?
Our group of friends now have more broken bones than reasonable excuses for why they're broken.
Maybe you should stop dating for awhile if the chicks aren't working out. Reacquaint yourself with your hand or something.
I told my coworker that I'd get him some edibles because he wants to rekindle his marriage. I'd better get some good karma out of this.
You had a 45min conversation with the Ronald McDonald statue I have the video to prove it
Randomize
