Remember when you tried to pay that stripper to cry on stage?
What I'm trying to say is, that time you chained me to my dresser and made me beg for it was incredibly romantic.
I want a calm night. Not one where I wake up to you topless and bloody.
Just watched a guy ride a bike off his roof into his pool. On my way to the liquor store, picking you up in 20
Hey ask him if he likes swappy seconds
On way back. With a shopping cart. Minimal casualties.
you just missed a great speech in which i almost coined the term "ass-ian" as in "my vaginal and ass-ian regions are no longer safe"
God please dont post that to facebook.
Hit on in the middle of a Wal-Mart McDonald's by a really awkward nerd. There is not enough nope in the world.
I didn't know. I guess I really haven't had that much time for drinking lately. I mean, outside drinking at home/work.
Ever since the Christmas fiasco of '08, I can no longer watch Rudolf the Red nosed reindeer without getting a hard on
They had like literally all the dildos. It looked like a seance for dick. I left the apartment and haven't been back.
The first time he ever tried to hold my hand, I moon walked away.
don't worry, i'll dog sit again, the barking made the sex better, its like he was cheering for us, we were just THAT good.
The cops asked Ben if he was drunk and he slurred "I'm man enough to admit that I am" with a southern draw
I wasnt 2 drunk i sobered up around the time we were shooting the fire extinguishers
Randomize
