Friends don't let friends fuck ugly girls. WALK AWAY FROM HER!
Dude you called me last night to let me listen to you piss in a cup and drink it. Just making sure you survived
How many times can you lose to your mom in beer pong before you can no longer show your face around campus?
I woke up and we were making out. So the good news is that after two years off the market, I haven't lost a step. I'm picking up girls in my sleep now.
Jerry just sent me this: IOR GHIT ALL THE BUTTIB. Go get him. Now.
He kept his baseball cap on when he went down on me...
This is the I'm sorry text for running around yelling don't shit on my rainbow, end up in the fetal position crying at 4 am in my car because someone shit on my rainbow
Start warming up your vocal cords, because Fucking With The Windows Open season has arrived.
He called me twice and texted me at 3am. Guess absence makes the dick grow harder.
I made out with a guy because he ate a grape lollipop and he tasted delicious... not my proudest moment.
I didn't want to hook up with him so I just jumped out of bed, yelled "I don't even believe in god!" and ran out of the room
Soooo you know how I said I was trying to be a rational adult? Well that led to me fucking a rational adult today.
Look, I tried but his dick tasted like disappointment.
All i remember from last night was that i was sitting on the toilet for a good hour eating a philly cheesesteak hotpocket... then i woke up... in my bed.
My mom is dancing slutty on the bar I need more drinks to be ok with this
Randomize
