just threw up while drinking by myself. This is all your fault. You here = a good night, You not here = alcoholism
well yea, now i know i won't get hair in my teeth...
we made out inside of a kiddie slide for about 20 mins. it was the sexiest, most suffocating experience I've ever had
FYI angry masturbation is not as cool angry sex
21 Ladies Confess The Grossest Things They Do When No One’s Around
sorry i was making out with matt didn't mean for it to sound like that. there was no tone
there should be a new saying, don't text and tongue
New handbag passed the ultimate test. The walk of shame. I had a bra, tights, skirt, shirt & sweater in it and you couldn't tell. yessss.
You know were out to late when I call my hook up at 8:08pm and 8:08am in the same night.
how thoroughly do i need to sanitize the cone the vet put around my dog's neck for it to be safe to use as a beer bong?
thanks for the bloody nose. you probably dont remember, i'm not mad.. only because your boobs are to blame
23 Tweets I Thought Were Really Funny When I Was Drunk Yesterday
You kept yelling "wood grain wheel" and grinding on fat chicks.
The hell is wrong with me
I found your knife. It was stuck in my bedroom ceiling.
We had a deepthroating contest with breadsticks at Olive Garden
Anyways, he came over at 3:30 am and ate me out while I ate pizza on the counter
I just realized how terrible that was... I was drumming on your penis to a song about Baby Jesus.
slept at my ex’s house last night and as i was leaving his brother was sitting there on the sofa and said “bet you regret that one don’t ya”