Walk of shame was bad enough, but farting with each step as I walked past his roommates was just not cosmically fair.
I pretty much gave up on you when you told me you couldn't go home yet b/c you had to stop at church first. It was 2 AM and you insisted you were late for mass.
dude this girl next to me farted in the middle of a quiz and denied my high five
bitch
At one point we asked the guy to play "the lion sleeps tonight" with his bagpipes. Best version ever.
obviously my correlation between being a pro surfer and being extremely good in bed was 100% wrong.
Don't judge me. He's really sexy for a 17 year old. We made nasty in the womens bathroom at the beach. Don't worry. I wore sandals in there.
None of that is ok.
as they left, you opened the door, dropped your pants then yelled "don't leave, this is what you're missing"
I'm drunk on a monday night. Not a good start to finals week
You were so drunk you decided to go out of the car window instead of using the door, once you realized what you had just done you said fuck it and went back in through the window
OH BABY IM HERE AND IN A BLANKET FORT
COME TO THE BLANKET FORT
Im not coming back to that place until im drunk. If I walk in there sober Ill start screaming uncontrollably. Not words, just sounds.
Sent him a snap chat of him eating me out so he can relive the moment.
Quote from doctor, "that is a VERY angry vagina".
I'm fucked.
I seriously doubt this is the first time pumpkin pie has led to a booty call.
can we not compare my dick to a children’s folk tale
Randomize
