Will you still be my friend if I read and enjoyed Twilight?
Just FYI I rubbed poison oak on all your sheets and blankets so we all will know who you hooked up with (in about a day)
dude, im still at the bar with two chics... one has a moustache ill save that one for you... be home in 20min..
Can you send me a pic of you vag, I'm sexting the guy and he wants a pic but I didnt shave
dude are you serious?
I know you already have a pic on your phone
27 Common Occurrences Everyone Can Relate To But No One Talks About
These people need to leave so I can have rum and Doritos at work like every other American.
yah I made NO friends last night. at one point i think i replaced talking with spitting
They should make Jack Daniels chap stick
I feel like i made up for not being able to drink on St Pattys Day, Mardi Gras, and last years Cinco De Mayo. That hungover.
It was one of those "I have no idea if this will ever happen again so I can't say no" opprotunities. Part of me was like, "You slut" and the bigger part was screaming, "Hell yeah"
21 People Intentionally Did Despicable Things During Sex
Sometimes you gotta say "hey, its been a long semester. Let's puke before 10"
I bet the guy on the treadmill next to me with the noise-canceling headphones wishes he could trade them for smell-canceling noseplugs. Hard to believe that last one did not involve any pants-shitting on my part.
Let me get this straight, you're telling me to lower my standards? Even though last week you told me I don't have any..?
You're telling me he never had to ask for a blow job and he STILL broke up with you? I call bullshit on that one.
Fuck me this girl I went home with has a cover on her remote control so there is no spills to ruin it. Imagine how many condoms she's going to make me wear
I couldn't find the oven mitts so I used a thick stack of tortillas