I was so hungover I threw up on her when she answered the door. i don't think it was a good first impression
Life is so much better after having sex.
winter break is gonna be like a weird mixture of rehab fat camp and holiday cheer.
There are babies in the room i shouldnt be high with babies in the room.
Whatever you do to me, stop, I found yet another blonde hair in my asshole.
There are too many people and smells in this elevator for my hangover to handle.
Would you have sex with a guy wearing a Batman mask?
It's all hypothetical, I don't have a Batman mask... yet...
I wasn't an ass in college so much more like I showed my ass a lot especially during serious beerpong games. You know I don't fuck around when it comes to sports.
she dared me to make out with the amish dude so I went up to him and grabbed him by the beard
GRABBED HIM BY THE BEARD
So my flight takes off at 8am. Does this mean I need to break my airport bar pre-flight ritual?
Aren't you the one who taught me that airports are the judgement-free drinking zone?
I found one of those wine glass confetti bits in my ass crack.
I have chicken nuggets, lube and brand new batteries, he can stay at work charting all weekend for all I care, I'm set.
The bar tender had his entire hand down your asscrack.
I forgot about that. I was in MULTIPLE dimensions.
My vagina just clenched in fear
You abruptly started screaming because they had and I quote “calamari on the hoof”
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