I puked in the cab and in my hair and he didnt even know
Just seeing my phone say "picture message from: Senor Floppy Cock", i knew it was going to make me smile.
We have to talk through the words with friends chat so his gf won't find out
I made out with a bride-to-be last night at the bar. Jesus died for our sins right?
Slurping strawberries throug a straw. It feels like the kool-aid man is coming in my mouth.
Her life is proof that being a drunken slut will get you places.
Just purchased ketchup, body wash, and lube. Hope you're ready for the post-memorial-day-cookout-shower-anal.
We had a pillow fight. It looks like an angel exploded here. A DRUNK ALCOHOLIC ANGEL
Woman at starbucks on her computer with a garbage bag of popcorn and a bottle of lotion. Where are you coming from?!
Let's buy some Wrangler jeans and be real live men.
Aside from the possibility of pregnancy, I'm going to call last night a raging success.
Let us bow our heads and pray that I don't throw up in the tub
EXCEPT MY COUSIN SAW MY SEX TAPE!
I'm deleting Tinder. I got there he rubbed my back and then proceeded to jerk off on me.
So... Sex in my rain boots last night. Trashy or a great show of character?
If it was with a guy, trashy. Sex with a girl is never trashy.
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