Ppl just aren't as funny as we are
I'm in the bar bathroom about to pass out. But it's ok cause I set my alarm to go off for last call
College is the ONLY place where you can pass off morning sickness as being hungover. I'm currently pouring beer in a spray bottle so I can spray it on myself and smell drunk.
he stopped midthrust to put on his sex playlist and the first song was 'can you feel the love tonight'
where do you find these guys?
She kept grabbing my head and told my faces to stop shaking.. Also, she kept whispering something about seeing flowers in my eyes.
Just let me take your liver out and beat it with a meat tenderizer for you..
I think there's a problem with society when I'm shopping for lingerie and I think "man some of these would make kickass shirts"
Rigtt?!
when I type Christina's, my phone's predictive text assumes my next word is boobage
I would go a lot of places to get laid. But I would NOT go to Staten Island.
He was nothing but deer-caught-in-headlight eyes and dick, it was adorable
He deserves a nobel prize for his dick-giving abilities. 10/10, would ride again.
DO NOT TOUCH THE SOAP ITS HAD SOME UNORTHODOX USES WITHIN THE PAST 15 HOURS
I cant believe you bit her ass cheek, she must have been really weirded out.
yeah so we made out to make it less awkward
Tequila shots and throwing it at a bell.
This is dumb. I'll keep doing it.
Yes I’m serious. I just worked YOUR 12 hour shift on 3 hours of sleep if you come over without tacos and an ice cream cake in hand we are done
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