I prefer the term 'tenderly watching'
such a stalker...
she wanted to love me. she just didn't know it yet.
Remember that night when i almost got you arrested? Is that funny yet?
Excuse me? I'm weird? You're the one sticking your penis into a pringles can.
She started doing push ups and calling me a pussy. Never set me up with your ROTC friends again.
If you can't do the LSAT hung over. You can't do the LSAT. That's the real practice.
3 things. 1. is this real life 2. my liver hates me 3. keg race tonight
I apologize for getting really drunk, taking off my shirt, bitching someone out, crying, and breaking something at your party next weekend...
You want a summary? Scottish women that start drinking at 7 am. Cherries soaked in moonshine. Japanese beer. Old men smoking stuff that I'm pretty sure is illegal here and in Japan. One is doing a karaoke striptease. There's your summary.
Well you tried to pay for a drink with your keys for one...
We play beat the clock every morning. When the alarm goes off, she hits snooze and drops her panties. If I can't finish in time to beat the snooze, she jumps in the shower and I've gotta jerk off.
So, last night I fell asleep sitting Indian-style on the floor, propped up against the front of the couch with an empty wine bottle in between my legs... How was your night?
I could probably be laying here naked and he'd still be more interested in this thunderstorm
ACTUALLY FUNNIEST MOMENT OF THE NIGHT WAS WHEN YOU WERE TALKING TO HIM AND YOU SAID "WHEN YOU MEET ME IN REAL LIFE I WILL BE A LOT ANGRIER." And then he said "WHEN I MEET YOU IN REAL LIFE I WILL BE LESS DRUNK, HOPEFULLY."
Checking out a dudes' nachos instead of the dude #foreveralone
You almost lost your european virginity to a Peruvian man waering a do-rag in a port-a-potty.
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