What do you say about some mid-afternoon anal?
Tonight I think I'm going to go out with a french braid so I don't wake up with puke hair. Thoughts?
And your mom thought you weren't even thinking about your future... she would be proud
I just found out my boyfriend is cheating on me, please tell me Carl is a unisex name.
i distinctly remember leaping through the apartment to rescue the clam chowder burning in the kitchen
Despite what happened tonight, Im still expecting Jesus birthday sex
You only ask me to come over when your gf is gone, and thats usually at midnight to cook chicken salad and watch you pass out
I found his backpack for the weekend. All it had was ping pong balls, mardi gras beads, and Tums.
I just scrubbed chocolate off the bathtub... You better have had a damn good birthday
Thanks for getting me stoned. My manager started quizzing me about the menu and I struggled until he asked me to describe the tortilla soup. I said "tasty"
Dude, did you fall in a toilet on the way over here?
Was face down in one actually. Bars 2, Drew 0.
he literally referred to his penis as the alaskan bull worm from spongebob. when can we get married
I'm pretty sure your ex of four years just had a baby with some kid and named it after you...
Say whatever the fuck you want about me, but leave my deceased cat out of it.
I'm sorry for chipping my tooth on your vagina last night :(
I am just High Enough to train A-Team of bodybuilding squirrels MMA techniques to tear you asunder. And it's not that I want to is just don't you make me do it!
Randomize
