no, i'm proud of you. this is the happiest you've been since you discovered that bowls can be used as cups if you don't feel like washing dishes.
i got totally wasted at 2pm and cleaned the house bc i was bored. my mom now supports my alcohol problem
My corndog is like a popsicle of bread. A WHOLE. POPSICLE. OF BREAD.
I just had to ask my dad for money to pay for my birth control. I've hit financial rock bottom.
we drunkly made out in the middle of the street beside the homeless guy playing the flute. Not how I imagined our first kiss.
IT'S LIKE SHE TAKES SECRET KUNG FU CUNT LESSONS AND THEN BRUCE LEES ALL OVER EVERYONE.
He asked me what I wanted the cake to say and I then asked him if "I'm sorry for throwing up in your bed last night" was too long. He said it was...
You. Dating a sex offender cop. Life writes itself sometimes.
Conversations we need to have while high 1) how mermaids reproduce 2) if blind people hallucinate what do they see 3) reincarnation
I know it was your bday but bringing a airhorn and blowing it yelling "buy me a fucking shot" in the bartenders face was a little uncalled for
You put on a bike helmet, yelled "doesn't matter fuck it" then punched a stick the fire
My dad just said "fuck circus"
Just responding to the most professional request I've ever gotten to get shitfaced.
Tried to shave my legs but the rug burn on my knees from last night got in the way.
who gets drunk at chipotle by noon and then gets kicked out? this chick.
Randomize
