somehow in between the body shots the bong hits and trying to convince the 7-11 lady to let me fill up my vodka bottle with cherry slurpee. i misplaced my car.
My mom just told me that after i turned eight i stopped growing mentally and emotionally
sitting next to michael phelps in the airport. wonder if he's carrying...
Reggie can tackle my bush.
Peed on my phone. Dried it out in oven. Technology is both a plus and a minus.
dude all my bootycalls are going to Eclipse tonight... Do I really want it that bad?
Yes, she did suck your dick in the bathroom to wake you up.
You have to come over we all bought drinking hats. Mine has a turtle on it. Side note: somehow someone got their hands on 50 candied apples and we need to eat them...
Found myself carrying 2 bottles of .89 euro wine about half a mile to where im staying. and someone stopped me and spoke to english. apparently, i reek of drunk american.
Let me put it this way - if I had a list of things I would like between my legs, she would rank below the cello I turned into firewood sophomore year.
The only thing worse than being hungover is being hungover and not able to open your mouth wide enough to eat a cheeseburger
He never answered about passing his structures test no matter how I asked him. He did send a text saying that he would be "pouring alcohol into his head and balls" so I'm guessing he has to retake the whole class.
I peed my pants and am still dancing with guys at the club because I liked my outfit too much to change. Call the ratchet emergency
okay we need to get tested.
no YOU need to get tested. I'm just going along for the ride.
I think you're literally the first guy to ever pick up a chick from pinterest.
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