sorry about last night, sometimes people just get drunk and have sex witht heir friends
I know, I was there.
i was shrooming and she was sobbing. i was trying to be sympathetic, but i could see the veins working like worms under her skin. and then her face stripped down to the muscle.
what was she crying about?
i wanna say it was the lack of skin on her face but maybe she lost her job.
As a pleasant surprise..I woke to find a Burrito and Bottle of Gatorade .....Merry XMAS to ME
just stared at ed norton's ass for 26 miles. if there was ever an incentive to run a marathon, that was it. my life is perfect.
I have taken lazynest to a new level. I took a picture of the notes on the board instead of writing them. I win.
just lying in bed drinking beer with a straw waiting for motivation. why?
Remember those girls from the bar? The tall and short blondes?
Is this a story I am going to hate you for?
Would it be inappropriate to do a science fair project on whether the type of drunk a person is is determined by nature or nurture
dude you're not even a fucking science major
There was a trampoline and tequila. It was glorious.
I am thankful for thumbs.
Because without thumbs, we would be dolphins.
Land dolphins.
My neck is PURPLE. This is NOT a good day to be indoctrinated by the cardinal...
I chatted up the pastor's son on Grindr during the service. Still ridiculing my decision to go to church this morning?
Tacos and sex are way better than any anti depressant pill ever was. I think I made a medical discovery here.
There's a dryer on fire at the laundromat, and everyone's just standing around taking pictures. Except me. I'm texting.
Not to make this awkward, but if we ever have sex (perhaps drunkenly), all i'm gonna be able to think about is how sexy our kids would be.
Randomize
