he wont speak to me right now because i told him it must suck knowing he'll never be as good as edward cullen..idiot.
So not only just find my adoption papers that I didnt know about in my parents house, but they say "child shows some signs of mental retardation".
The last memory I have is vomiting into a box and her rubbing my back saying "you are such a trooper..."
And then i had a penis in each hand. It was magical.
I'm going to shower the piss off me now. I feel like I was in an R. Kelly dream.
When your boyfriends ex-girlfriend texts you to see what you're wearing to his sister's wedding that you were not invited to, nor knew about. I think it's time to call it quits.
I have a strict rule of what enters my vajay. It's either sparkly, or human. Anything else and I draw the line. Standards.
Alls I wanted was a fun New Years but I end up fingering a geico sales representative on a futon and giving her a ride to work the next morning
Idk man there's lots of bad dick but even a bad cookie is still pretty good
I'm watching Trainwreck with Jeff and realizing that I'm the John Cena in my relationship.
He's at Disney with 4 kids and I'm drinking wine from the bottle in bed at 2:45pm. Does it sound like we're compatible??
Give it up bro. I’m not wearing pants or a bra and only an act of god could change that
No no no, I want to share him with you. Think of it as me sharing a piece of delicious pie with you. He was THAT GOOD.
Dude 4th of July week was our like 5th anniversary of you sending me dick pics ❤️
Hopefully he gets to dig deep into my body, before he digs deep into my past ..
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