You're the unicorn of the gay community. Unbelievable and unattainable.
Not hooking up w him- he has one of those L.L. Bean book bags w his initials on it
I just saw a man vacuming his front lawn. What is this world coming to?
just had dinner with my dad's new gf and her daughter.. had to drink a beer to get through it.. she's 19 she has on a disney watch and snowflake earrings
legit been throwing up since 7am. told my parents the two bowls of puke in my dorm were soup
You said that we had to leave the party together and proceeded to repeat the "ducks fly together" speech from The Mighty Ducks word for word. Soon the whole party was quite and started chanting quack..quack...quack..
Tell me you didn't have sex with my dad.
I took in his dog. My exboyfriend still calls me for 2 things, blow jobs and animal rescue. I need to end this cycle
You better buy her a motherfucking bunnyrabit to make up for this. And me footsie pajamas for being a cockblock.
okay the fridge is completely filled only with alcohol. Not even exaggerating. There is no food.
Sometimes I wonder if we're going to make it to 40.
My penis is saying yes, several less important organs are saying noo...
There's just no proper way to thank a man for that many consecutive orgasims.
I gargles a mimosa for breakfast. It's gonna be a killer Monday.
It involves me, my best friend, and a stripper and her mother.
I'm really sorry I called you a "smug, arrogant, boyfriend-fucking piece of defecation". I was super drunk.
I was going to be mad, but then I remembered you don't use autocorrect and spelled everything correctly and I was kinda impressed.
Randomize
