She wouldn't stop telling me the story of the penis and how she got laid.
I asked her if she had any t-shirts of bands that didn't suck. I got a Sublime shirt and my answer.
If i could bang her from 80ft away, I would
Dude I still wanna know who I had sex with on new years eve
passed a homeless guy with a sign that read "420 vetran" we gave him a bowl of bud
nothin like your phone freezing up and sending out old booty calls at 11am on a sunday. fml.
Everyone is now just referring to it as "the night Hannah couldn't get laid" so needless to say you didn't miss much
I heard you coughing. Are you choking or smoking? And are you okay?
So they just told me that while I was being loaded into the ambulance the cop told them if they were good friends they'd post it on Facebook...
The subtweets were good enough
I found a playlist on my ipod with only one song on it: gold digger. confused, but not surprised.
I just opened a pickle jar stoned as fuck. I clapped for myself. I feel like wonder woman.
Also, I just opened Google to find the lyrics to California Gurls. Karaoke night did us dirty.
I have got to stop telling people I was almost a prositute every time I drink
I walked over and you were apologizing to him because you're lady gaga and he's not. The best part was that he forgave you.
Can’t. Tonight’s a netflix and dick night
Randomize
