How do I say "sorry I gave you and your sister herpes" in German?
The worst part is I think my tongue cut his penis and now he wont talk to me.
"Tuesday" and "open-bar" shouldn't be used in the same sentence.
My vagina and my morals are playing tug of war
He explained how that handle got into our fridge. I think i'm going to stick with my original assumption that the vodka gods want me to drink more vodka.
So I passed out with my boxers on in the hotel jacuzzi at 5am.. The manager who kicked me out was pretty cute so I left my name and number for her at the front desk. I'm giving it a 50/50 she calls.
Can we have a celebratory fuck now that the lockout is over?
You're the best girlfriend ever.
I'll be so proud. Like a proud mama bear freeing my slut cub into the wild.
Her fortune said that she will soon be free. She's taking her bra off at the table.
He's holding a pee stick. Yes it's weird.
Whoops. I'm a horrible gf, I dropped the "I'm looking for jobs in a different city" bomb before I wished him a happy anniversary
I'm high and having a granola buffet this has got to be the healthiest I have ever been
Oh you know just explaining sexual consent to a drunk 80 year old man. How is this my life?
Don't come up here. Strippers r crying.
She stood up through my sunroof the entire drive home. screaming her ass off and singing free falling..
Randomize
