im glad we only fight about serious things like the hills and disney scene it
His dick looked like E.T.'s finger. It scared me.
Now he's lighting his socks on fire
its really sad that i have to specifically make this a rule but, absolutely no lighting smoke bombs indoors at my birthday party.
We're knee deep in HJ's right now.
dude I just got a noise complaint from my apartment people for loud sexual activities. I'm framing this for sure
Dude you ate toast sprawled out on my kitchen floor and said "this is comfy". No more day drinking.
An open call to all exes! i have a drunk text policy that requires i delete any and all texts after drink 3, however i have reason to believe i have done something stupid. if i have texted you that "I love you", "miss you" and/or conveyed any interest in getting back together with you in the last 24 hours i was belligerent and lying. That is all.
I heard an explosion in the backyard. You told me you were playing "will it burn".
Hey. My eyes swollen shut and I can't find my shoes. How was your night?
You insisted that your middle name was "velociraptor" for 20 minutes and every time someone said something you tried to relate it to velociraptors. That kind of drunk.
i peed in the parking lot at work not even thinking, a woman saw
Topless Tuesday? One of us will be really happy the other not so much.
That reminds me of the morning I woke up on the sidewalk covered in chicken wings
The hangover struggle is to real, just passed the drive thru window. Twice.
Randomize
