the nicest thing hes ever said to me is give me head.......please
He threw up over the balcony and blamed it on an invisible garden gnome.
I managed to convince my mom that my hickey was a birth mark I have always had. She cried for an hour about being a terrible mother for never noticing it.
You yelled "bananas are an excellent source of pottasium!"4 times in the middle of class. how do you not remember?
I don't even know what potassium is.
There was a lot going on. It was easy to miss a 70 foot tall puppet.
No. And Marissa said shitting in the handicap bathroom at work does not get you into the club. You have to shit yourself. She said.
Hardcore start to spring break. Mike is wearing adult diapers because the only stop we are making is for gas.
sending him nudies in gran's hospital bathroom. you?
Sometimes you just have to have sex for a Netflix password.
Hungover in church. I can feel stained glass Jesus judging me.
I saw a classic trojan enz laying on his desk. So he's probably not into the kinky shit.
I have to go buy generic plan b after work. I don't even leave for the new semester for another 11 days. I think I just leveled up in sluttiness
I ask for a dick pic and he sends a picture of Dick Cheney. Who does that?
I have "if found please return to" written in sharpie on my arm, my uterus is rejecting everything, and I have hickies. I must actually be an 18 year old piece of shit girl instead of a responsible 23 year old
She walked up to me and whispered "I hope you're good at sex" and led me to the beach.
Randomize
