I'm at breakfast still drunk holding a blow up parrot
And Anthony pissed on himself at the strip club
3 different guys in my psych class know me as 3 different names and said hi to me with all 3 different names-Andrea, Grace, and Bella
I've never been more proud of you
I'm just not sure how to initiate the "do you want to have sex with my boyfriend and I" conversation
Wow way to turn my death into an oppurtunity to get laid
I see you've set aside this special time to humiliate yourself in public.
You need to simmer down or I'm going to buy you a labia leash.
Guess I was throwing darts at a patrons head last night, lol! Black out
Look bro I'll go half per boob with you, we split her.
You grabbed the hot guy that was making out with his girlfriend all night, slurred "I need to borrow this" then shoved your hand down his pants. All because you thought your ex walked into the bar. It was majestic in its shitshowness.
You were just so carefree! People were like, "there's broken glass everywhere" and you were just like, IDGAFFFFFFF
Nice. The Governor's son bruised my vagina.
That's going to be the title of my memoir.
I lost a bet last night, now I have to name the baby Fetty Wap, regardless of gender. Riley is going to kill me.
Our relationship is perfect
90% threatening to punch him in the dick 10% actual dickpunching
Puked up breakfast after doing my first minze shot in a while, but that shot was to Trump losing the election, so it's all good.
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