So I feel really bad about last night...can i give you a blow job and we call it even?
Knee deep in strippers, everything is comped. will try hard to be there at 8. i promise.
So I used the "I've never cummed from a BJ before" line last night.
And that worked?
9 for 9! Not only does it give them a goal but they have a sense of accomplishment afterwards.
im just sayin im driving an hr to pick her up, just cause shes your gf doesnt mean i shouldnt be entitled to a bj
I don't understand how she could dump me AFTER we had shower sex. I'm fucking great at shower sex
the repo guy said it was the first time he'd ever started to repo a car with someone fucking inside of it. he might have said 'doing it' instead.
my boobs are worth more now than the blue book value of my car.
Moment of the day: as we leave the restaurant, she reaches into my pocket, pulls out her panties, and angrily marches to her car. I felt like a sketchy magician.
Just realized I probably only have one more wedding where I can say I fucked the bride.
That's why we don't trade sex for Taco Bell. It's called the dollar menu.
I'm beginning to think the entirety of my appeal is due to the size of my ass.
Nothing more ironic than raw dogging some random Asian hottie last night and then doing the walk of shame home from her place mixed in with the participants of the AIDS walk
Knowing how to carefully mix my vices has to be the #1 skill I've gotten from pharmacy school
He told me my car had really nice leather seats right before he jizzed all over them.
There's a guy in a plaid shirt running around asking everyone if they want to head butt him
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