Haha so you are never gonna want to meet my mom now...she just found your thong in her front seat
Was it a mistake telling him I couldn't get the abortion until I was 2 months along on the first date?
you can't get genital warts from dogs can you?
Instead of a promise ring i got my clit peirced, its a promise that ill always give you ass! =]
Banging bitches in a bar bathroom is not legit as it was in college, there are no fistpumps afterward only shame
I know everyone screamed lady cop instead of cops. I wanted to apologize to her for our chauvinism
A worker across the alley is wearing your sombrero sans cat barf.
Ima go for a jog. and I'm going to jog until I throw up a lung. then I'll crawl home.
She's going to get me a sippy cup for christmas. If I can't open it, I can't have any more to drink. Seem reasonable?
Ran into my neighbor that's always crying. I wonder if she's like; "I ran into my neighbor who's always playing with her vibrator?"
When you are 21 it's acceptable to run out of the tavern and puke all over the bike rack... when you are 35 it's called alcoholism.
I hope none of us try to run for public office one day
i just realized I haven't been laid all summer. So sad. What a waste of a perfectly good vagina.
Road head absolutely translates. That's the beauty of road head... It's so portable!
Donated a pint of blood at 6 and pub crawl started at 7. Thank your lucky stars I'm still alive today.
Randomize
