dude just tell them you don't wear clothes. they'll understand
We even fucked WHILE he was making me breakfast in bed.
My low point of the night was when my roommate spit out her jello shot and i took it...
she reminds me of the first time i discovered masturbation. that's how you know it's true love.
oh, you know. just sitting in my bed high as fuck wearing a windbreaker and watching british tv.
You need a Jiminy Cricket, but for sexual decisions.
Ultimate Fighter Idea. You and I both have unprotected sex with the same girl in the spam of days. Whoever the child belongs to, wins and that child is the ultimate ultimate fighter.
How high are you?
Just to let you know... If you ever want to get me a gift, the One Direction perfume comes out soon....... It's called Our Moment. It's an appropriate gift for a 25 year old woman.
Have a glass of wine with dinner they said. Your hydrocodone has worn off they said... NOPE
you did that thing you do when youre drunk where you rant about bruce springsteen, start hooking up with someone and then pass out midway through
This morning I found four opened yet full beers on my desk and my towel rack pulled off the wall and in bed with me
Her son walked into the middle of the living room, took off his diaper, shit on the floor, smiled at me, and walked out, as if nothing happened.
So date night went well?
I don't intentionally mean to ruin relationships for personal gain but. Yeah nah I totally do.
Sarah was butt-chugging wine and diarrhea'd all over the wall
can jess come too?
sure! but I don't have enough booze for the both of you.
she comes with her own booze, no worries.
Randomize
