we were having sex and the sweat made her make up run... seriously laid there and watched her face just melt into ugly.
Have you ever straight up just taken a bite out of a block of cheese? Because it's amazing.
I dont care about anyone or anything else I just want to make love to you on my air mattress
Hello you've reached the get a clue corp. Our business hours are from take a hint to figure it out, eastern standard time. If you prefer to leave a message, don't, call back when you're not crazy, fat, and annoying.
Yeah. I realized I have a weakness for drugs and I need to move somewhere where I don't know how to find them.
i left because you were standing at the top of the stairs throwing shot glasses and bottles full of alcohol at me and yelling JAGERBOMBS
Pretty sure they aren't letting me back to karaoke night after I screamed "fuck every one of you tasteless hillbillies!!" because I felt they didn't clap loud enough for Jen.
I remember nothing except the fact it happened and I ate doritos and we highfived a lot
Well I let her practice her tattooing on me. This shaky dragon on my arm says Im getting laid.
It's a strange mix of shame and pride every time I pee at the bar and still see my lipstick on the bathroom wall...
You go to bars with sophisticated older men, I steal lawn ornaments. Priorities
I'm a complete klutz, especially when I get excited. I pee a lot too. I'm like a puppy except I don't pee in the floor.
Props to the guy blatantly doing coke in the bathroom at the bar. Walked out of the stall with a credit card in hand, sniffing loudly and shouting "choo choo"
he threw his shirt and suit jacket out the window of the uber going home
Sorry I told all the other bridesmaids you were an asshole. I had had a few drinks and it's how I felt at the time.
Randomize
