She is totally STD
Is it a bad omen that my phone auto corrects dtf to STD
I mean come on, he's the best quarterback in the state and doesn't even know how to put on condom
slowly transforming into a stationary lump of steel. how can you tell me that was JUST weed
The doctor said 'youre the 2nd youngest person that ive seen with this condition. Thats probably not the silver medal you were looking for today.'
I just reenacted what a cuntadactyl would act like by putting straws in my mouth as teeth and roaring, Plz come get me.
I'm not sure how appropriate a drug deal is while at a wake.
I think the threesome was inevitable when she walked out in nothing but his boxers followed by him completely naked.
On the plus side, I got cel phone video of a major fox news host doing coke.
Turns out floaties are a great thing after a couple bottles of vodka
Well yes he stayed. He brought Guiness, them he shaved me. It's a long, but beautiful story.
Somewhere out there, on several phones belonging to strangers, exists a video of me rapping Baby Got Back on stage in four inch heels that I stole from the drag queen. Also I made out with the chick with the octopus tattoo.
You have the best birthdays
holy fucking shit get me out of here. even the babies are wearing beanies
My Dicks been hard all day. Poor guy isn't used to vacation being over
please tell me you're the one making all the weird noise in the yard..
I just realized now that I slept with him while he was still wearing the maid costume... I've reached a new level of sexual freakness.
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