There is a man on the balcony beside me who claims he is a triceratops. He roared and asked me for a cigarette, telling me he'd eat me if I refused. I love college.
Id pretty much put it in anything at this point. Jello. Dogs. 12 year old boys
just once id like to meet someone on craigslist who isnt fat
It's not mothers day until you're vomitting syrup into grandma's toilet. Cherish the holidays
I think off duty cops drove me home. I may have been hitchhiking
Sooo just headbutted a stripper, meet you outside
I really wanna know when trying to grow up turned into try not to throw up.
I was expecting a blowjob when she shoved me in the bathroom but instead she shaved my pubes into a mustache for my penis. I am still satisfied.
I have to bobbypin his pubes for us to have sex. The other day he wanted me to braid them.
Just paid off my possession ticket on 4/20. Helloooo awesome.
I'm imaging you naked, covered in butter. And I gotta say, I'm not impressed.
He is sitting on the foor in the soup aisle saying "to each their own soup"
I'm shotgunning a 12 pack at a bus stop. This is why we pay the rent with an auto withdrawal at the beginning of the month
You made out with both twins? Ten points to you!
And the you walked in and said to the only under age dude "IM NOT SLEEPING WITH YOU TONIGHT!!!" You may not have high standards but thanks for not sleeping with my brother!
Randomize
