My 12 y/o god son's bandmate just asked me to their school dance. Still he's a better catch than the last one...
please say your awake. the girl i brought home last night...any idea on a name? she isnt up yet...
playing new game: drink everytime u see someone at the beach with a tramp stamp, double if u guess it before u see it, triple for male tramp stamps
warning: blackouts possible when playing in ocean city or anywhere in new jersey
An ex-gang member just asked me out on a date via note. And spelled dinner wrong. Win?
Hands down, the girl passed out in the bathroom was the best looking. Concious or not.
Because when I say 'You shouldn't drink anymore', she hears, 'I personally challenge you to chug 3 more mixed drinks'
My pussy is making all kinds of justifications that my mind would have no patience for if it was still in charge
sex in a tree stand. check.
you lucky bastard
Your boyfriend and I are bonding over your giant dick.
Please tell me you're not playing strip poker with your cousins again
I just blew thrown up hashbrowns out my nose. That's the level of this hangover.
I just found those cheese sticks in my purse. Along with a handful of confetti.
I suggest both. Please have sex with them and prepare notes for a final comparison.
Well I thought I saw everything and then I saw Christmas themed poop bags at Petco.
I like how I can go from sucking dick in the my basement to singing along to veggie tales with my family in a span of 10 minutes.
Randomize
