she was pretty much dry humping my leg when her boyfriend walked in. he says "you should probably leave." all i could come up with was "YEAH, I KNOW!"
his penis was like watching paranormal activity your very hyped up to see it but you think it might be very scary and in the end you didnt really see anything at all
just got drunk at a party with Christmas themed solo cups.. holidays are officially here.
the best thing about long term relationship is that the fact that i bothered to shave my legs today counts as a valentines gift
I showed that dick picture that your date texted you to everyone because you passed out and left your phone unattended. Your fault. Plus his cock was big so his fault too.
Um. That's my cat Laura. You put my cat in your mouth, and then you put my cat in your purse.
You better wipe the dick of your lips before you come smoke this blunt.
You cant come. You're a Colorado native who drinks Bud over Coors. Fucking homegrown terrorist.
If i still have my costume on when i get home from the bar i am gonna be pissed
Literally if she wants to make a big deal, I'd rather have shit smeared on my face.
He walked in on me banging his sister and said "you're both old enough to make you own decisions. Carry on"
He ate me out while I finished season 1 of Stranger Things. If that's not a modern day relationship goal, then I don't know what is.
Medicine hack, old crowe and ramen flavor packets isnt a cure for the cold.
Potholders are an underrated garment. Especially naked.
my vagina can't handle any more of our 4 day long smash bash. it should be like a holiday or something. should only happen once a year.
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