Having an 'SDSU Mom' sticker is just like say 'Hi, my daughter has an std"
So I just walked into the bathroom, and there was this kid, talking to his mom, while taking a shit. I flushed the toilet next to him and heard him say into the phone, "No, I'm not. I'm in my dorm."
And by defning the relationship I mean telling him I'm gonna fuck other people but its cool If he does the same.
its just been over 12 hours, and i`m dying, don`t know how i`m supposed to survive the holidays sexless
At the start of the night I was all 'come at me universe' and three hours later I was ordering an extra large pizza in bed in the dress I had gone out in. Well played universe.
Riding the train home at 6 am for class still drunk is losing its novelty in my junior year
idk the fact that her roommate had a sign that said "enter without knock, exit without cock" makes me really NOT want to go steal her pot.
KY in my mouth and throat does not a party make.
You need to finger her with the Spock hand sign since she loves Star Trek.
A toast to whoever set this year's daylight savings fallback to the day after halloween, granting us another hour to detox before we pretend to be functional adults. Clearly, a partier with forethought and clear priorities. Cheers!
Have you ever thrown up in the middle of your hair appointment? Cause I have..
Sitting in a waiting room with 15 children has me contemplating if I ever want to have sex again...
I passed out with the lights and tv on woke up at 4am SO confused and covered in goldfish so I ate them and went back to bed.. fuck xanax
I need dick so bad, I’m dressing sexy for the school pick up line and sports practices to entice a few of the DILFs
Pro: 2020 made it easier to hook up with strippers
Con: explaining to Kari why there’s always strippers at our house
Pro: there’s always strippers at our house
Randomize
