the star wars geek is hitting on me, and is talking about his lightsaber. need back up NOW
I can't believe he cheated
Whatever. Anytime she has an orgasm, it's because I taught him how
I just egged your windshield and it froze on contact. Have fun with that.
ive come to the point where weve hung out more times sober than drunk. i think im growing up. fuck.
Best thing law school has taught me: how to use logic to turn a girls "no I will not have sex with you" into "well I might as well get laid"
He fucked me so hard I might have to go to the hospital for internal bleeding
Can I have him when you're done?
I used to be terrified of what was under your bed until I passed out there last night. Now it just feels like home.
When were you at my house?
He tried to take a picture of me naked but only got my ass. I don't know his name but if my butt is a guys wallpaper, that's the one I boned.
my neighbors having band practice on sunday morning is a message from the universe that I should stop drinking
I was gonna buy a KIA, but then I remembered how awesome the sex was in the back of a Hyundai so I went with that.
he just used a semicolon in the middle of a sext
I just my had my first cup of coffee in a week. I think I might orgasm.
Fun fact: deep throating plus dehydration plus eating a lot of citrus = my throat is fucked. Metaphorically and physically.
I just made out with his twin, technically it's the same person..... Right?
the orange of my hangover Tang is hurting my eyes... my coworkers knew it was hangover Tang too.
Randomize
