I think she just tried to waterboard me with her vagina.
This is why I shouldn't be left alone with liquor and anticipation.
So are you the girl that gave me herpes? or was that the girl from the night before
you pulled down your pants to convince a girl you were god
I was up all night on suicide watch. Dave was wasted and tried to strangle himself. With his own hands.
Tell Chris I said sorry for yelling "It's my vagina, let me do what I want with it!" at the party last night.
So I just went to 3 different stores because there is no way I can walk out of one store with this many reeses and still have my pride.
a pizza costume came into my possession last night. needless to say i showed up to his house wearing only the pizza, shouting "delivery" into his window.
She walks around topless and loves making sandwiches. That's how a one-night stand turned intoa relationship
I just used a thesaurus to write a sext...
You kept screaming, "Fuck her right in the personality" and then kissed a guy and slapped him across the face
ROB LOWE. SO BEAUTIFUL. SO DOUCHEY. SO HARD TO SPELL HIS NAME WHEN DRUNK.
Your cock has been in the back of my throat. Co-worker is no longer a sufficient title. Fix that shit ASAP
i gotta stop hooking up with people just to get to their dogs
You said "I feel like a koala bear. Do you ever just feel like a koala bear?" This is your brain on drugs.
Randomize
