Yeah, getting the HI-fiVe would really put a damper on my whoring around.
my fingers and penis are no longer on speaking terms. My penis is too jealous of where my fingers get to go.
Going back to college after four years is reminding me why i love cheating... they dont let me cheat on tests but they sure try hard to make me cheat on my girl
i cant belive i got a ticket! i know what his dick tastes like!
IS FOOTBALL GONNA SUCK HIS DICK? NO, IT IS NOT
I'll have to explain it to you tonight when i call drunk. It will sound better
i feel like pizza bites are my only friend right now
Anne I just took two ambiens. I think my body is melting into my blow up bed. Like a stick of butter just slowly melting. And I'm alright. Don't be afraid. I'll be alright.
I don't know bro, all I could remember is that he kept saying hallelujah and calling that girl Slutimus Prime
I have a new philosophy. Fuck wearing bras, it's summertime.
Woke up eating a pickle on the bathroom floor this morning in some random guys sweat pants.
So I have been told that I licked your eyebrows last night
Welp. It's confirmed. There is literally no lube on this entire island. Fuck me. More accurately, don't fuck me.
You use your abs way more than I realized. Btw multiple orgasms is the best thing I've ever discovered.
You were so drunk Last night you asked for your glasses so you could read the directions on a band aid
Randomize
