I'm just sayin u wanted to sleep after ur paper. I can make u sleep
I'm fucking your sister right now.
You motherfucker
She's next.
i may or may not have just grinded on your dog thinking it was my boyfriend
I want to give my boyfriend great head for his birthday...can i practice on you?
just upper decked a verizon store cause they don't cover against "getting phone crushed by a keg." had to pay 175 for a new one
After we fucked, her eye wouldn't stopped twitching and she could only move her hand, which she used to put her number in my phone
And then I passed out in my towel and was woken up by my roommate introducing me to her trick for the night.
He crawled over to me grabbed my boob asked me if I liked cats and then passed out. If that's really my RA, it's gonna be a long year
While eating post sex burritos I dripped taco bell sauce on my boob. He licked it off and asked why I hadn't thought of that before.
Dude. My cat just tried to bat the tampon string hanging from body. NOT COOL, SEYMOUR. NOT COOL.
PEOPLE ARE STILL EATING FAJITAS IN DROVES. BY THE CASELOAD. THERES A FORKLIFT OF SIZZLING MEATS.
I think we should have a sex position advent calendar
I'm tired, but I'm gonna go with "I watched the debate last night and part of my soul died"
Good new is, my parents are alive. Better news they will be in the hospital all weekend. Best news is im having a house party. All weekend.
I was really excited when I saw a billboard for neverbethirsty.org this morning. Then I realized it was for a church.
Randomize
