How drunk are you??
I'm flawless.
The producers of Marley and Me owe me about $5 million. That's the dollar amount of embarrassment compensation required for making a 24-year-old male cry publicly on an airplane while sitting in the middle seat between a gorgeous babe and a guy with a do-rag
what if cement was really a rainbow color they just secretly paint it grey so as not to distract drivers
are you high?
I never thought I would get head to the lion king soundtrack
she's bipolar. she literally has TWO facebook pages. one for each personality. this. bitch. is. crazy.
Dude I need help. What word is complimentary, but sounds like "chunky"?
he's washing the lighter in the sink and telling me to picture unicorns. requesting backup.
No room in fridge, chilling wine in snow. Do NOT let the dog pee on it.
Nothing like cleaning dried puke off your floor to make you feel like you've failed as an adult.
I put a zucchini in my pussy for you
Wtf. So apparently this 5 star establishment doesn't allow strip putt putt in the parking lot. We all just got kicked out of our rooms.
I frew up on some kids lovely sidealk chald drawings..
Dude. Don't do acid and go to Disney on ice. Hear my warnings. That snow monster will fuck your shit up.
My butthole is tingling. Must be the grapefruit juice
That confirms what we've all known all along. I'm a bad gay. I have no fashion sense.
Randomize
