life lesson# 3: saying thank you on a subway really means "im not a native new yorker, so please feel free to touch my ass"
hmm. interesting. explain how you came across this knowledge.
i sneezed. he said bless you. i said thank you. he groped. i again said thank you.
we're ranked number 5 for having the most pot in the country for a university school. idk if i should feel worried or just plain blessed.
I'm more impressed with the spaghetti smoothie at the present moment.
He called me while he was having sex and asked if I wanted to go get mcdonalds
Care to explain why there is sushi in the soap dish in the bathroom
i just want to attach a dildo to the ceiling and ride it like a gay spiderman.
Fate is real! that hot chick, Megan just showed up dressed as jasmine and I'm dressed as Aladdin this is going to be cake
They flooded the bathroom and their version of cleaning it up was to throw our couch cushions on it. That's when I decided to chug tequila and go drunk bowling. So hitting the kid with my ball is really their fault.
I had a dream last night you were Aladdin. I think due to me watching 6 hours of Disney movies and the fact you told me you were wearing a vest.
Dreams are coming true for both of us.
The guy I blew last night was pierced in multiple places. I had to use extra caution to avoid my temporary filling.
We got stuck in traffic in the tunnel while we were smoking weed. We were afraid to air out the car.
I could fuck to npr.
you do realize the next step is naked mud wrestling, right?
My liver is going to reject life during Greek Week
How many liver transplants can a person have? Bc you may need a couple
getting my period the day i moved was my bodies way of saying 'congratulations youre not leaving town with anybodies babies!'
Randomize
