it was like his penis was on wheels.
I have on cowboy boots and a ten gallon hat. I'd say I'm a little past tipsy
After you pregamed and were plastered you saw the cop was parked illegally so you gave him a citizens arrest
No shame. Just smoked a bowl with a Norwegian. Feels like something to cross off a list.
im calling her cock vulture from now on
Apparently, my drunken 3AM idea of safety is to send a GPS map of my location to someone 700 miles away. Seriously considering death as a viable alternative to this hangover. Death or Yuengling.
We have 24 days left before I leave for college and 21 condoms left in the stockpile. Are you up for the challenge?
Do you have any pics of the gummy penis incident?
I got really high and googled the history of Amish people for like an hour.
please remind me of this if i ever start out a night declaring my goal is to see how much american honey it takes for me to forget who i am again
I just spent the last three days trying to hook up with a dude for his pool privileges
I have got to stop telling people I was almost a prositute every time I drink
I'm gonna go parent style on your ass... I don't ask much from you but if you could please just come get shitfaced with me I would really appreciate it
you made it your goal to puke in every planter around the union. you got most of them. im proud of you
woke up. showered n got ready. had sex. and was still 15 minutes early to work... its gonna be a good day!
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