I totally have a Rabbi on speed dial now. Keep it Kosher.
when my dick couldnt get hard she said "fly on little wing"
Hey, my drug test is at 4:15 tomorrow. I'll meet you 5 minutes later.
Want to get naked in Baltimore this weekend?
Hm, finding a time when my drinking and your real life don't conflict could be difficult
So are you still down for me to come stay with you and just have sex on vicodin all weekend?
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Hahahaaa There's this one girl crying hysterically and wrapped around (i believe) her ex's leg. He's trying to shake her off without spilling his beer. This is fucking priceless.
I'm ok. I've got the pantsless-with-dignity thing down pat
I'm making mistakes. Coming up with girl now
I hate me. That girl was hiiiiideous.
I think i'm the first person to get kicked out of a club while completely sober. Come outside please!!
True friendship: When you can hold your best friend's hair and still eat your Stromboli at the same time.
He came home at 2 AM on roller skates with his hair dyed pink while singing "Sweet Transvestite" and throwing glitter on all of us and everything we own. We had to call a cleaning guy.
extra points if i make kids and or the elderly cry
duddde i wasn't even home last night and someone elses clothes are on my floor and there glow sticks everywhere?!
We ran out of vodka, so instead of body shots you wanted to do cupcake shots off her naked body...happy birthday to you.
Randomize
