dude, wtf is with her now? she has stuff up about how i am kicking her while she's down
wtf? who are you bitching about me to now?
We all just poured out a sip of our drinks for you. One for our pussy whipped homie.
Call it a failed empirical study as to whether drugs would make her more interesting. or at least better in bed.
My brother and I both agreed that your boobs are fake.
T-minus about 54 seconds until I am too high to speak English.
I'm jealous
My throat feels like a candle.
He called me a "functional alcoholic" like its a bad thing.
On the bright side, I hit her with the door on the way in
I just really need to get the matching flask to go with my pill box. Is this another step towards rock bottom?
woke up to see a man wearing a sailor hat and covered in vomit sneaking out the door. Epic night indeed.
i had a threesome. one of the guys used to bully me in high school too for being gay.
you know that australian accents are like the bat signal to my vagina
Just had a smooth transition from sexting to buffalo chicken dip 😂😂😂
Your skills amaze me
public service announcement: beginning at 10pm please text me at half hour intervals reminding me to keep my legs shut tonight. Note, this is not a drill.
Just motorboated this 18 year old girl at the bar. The first time was my idea the other 3 she made me. Maybe turning 27 won't be so bad. Haha.
I burned my tit while he banged me and it was still the best kitchen sex EVER!!!
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