It was like a spaceship landed and 1000s of hipsters filled up the park
The boys are giving me the exam answers and I don't even have to expose my body..yayy engineering!
i just called corporate taco bell to ask about the life span of a chicken burrito.
i left with the words "thank you for undersanding my sluttiness"
I'm so disappointed in myself I can actually taste it.
Does it taste like semen?
Had to belly crawl across the floor to the toilet with my eyes closed to puke my life out without making my hangover worse. Three times.
If you haven't seen a huge black man in tiny red snowflake shorts that barely cover his dick, then you don't know what I'm going through.
I give you full permission to fuck a rando on my air mattress.
The best part about this city is obvious. Someone saw me crouching by a bar pissing in my leftover Panera bread bowl and they just winked.
I still regret not being there for your blackout into the dumpster last year
I was looking at our sex bingo and pretty much every single row or column has at least one kind of person that is harder to find than all the rest
We've made things harder for ourselves
The struggle will be part of the fun
I think your husband is breaking up with me...
Congrats on dating a convict, there's no fitbit badge for that one.
We were looking everywhere for you and I finally found you in the closet talking to a build a bear.. So I gave you and myself another drink
I'm still drunk, my mom is throwing up, and there is a random Irish guy out getting our house breakfast right now. Wednesday's are my bitch.
Randomize
