i kept saying "bloody hell" in a ron weasley accent until i forcibly told myself to shut up
I just realized that "Hey girl, when you gonna let me tap that?" is in iambic pentameter. I'm going to write a poem...
vicodin is the reason why I believe in magic
The lawn was on fire, but I fixed it.
My mom gave me a high five when I told her I was just using him for sex
You and your mom would make an amazing tag team
You can buy vodka at target here.. Maybe Missouri isn't so bad after all
Now all we have to do is pretend we haven't seen each other naked. Work tomorrow is going to be FUN.
To celebrate your birthday last night, I got drunk and sang drift away in buffalo wild wings. Happy birthday. The entire bar sang the chorus with me. It was magical.
being pregnant is like rehab
Things are burning & the world smells of peanut butter. It's beautiful.
I made the jerking off hand motion to my mother by accident this morning. It was awkward for everyone involved.
Oh yeah. I pretty much fucked the universes brains out lastnight. It was glorious.
May he have a McRib induced stroke and lose the feeling in his tastebuds.
We'll get you some ice cream, but no sprinkles. Sprinkles are for winners.
You handed me your heels and said, "barefoot running is all the rage." Then you proceeded to run home.
Randomize
