If a guy called my cleavage "mesmerizing" but is kinda related to me, does it still count?
Wow. Thanks for becoming another fan of something on Facebook. You make me want to gouge my eyes out.
you just used a box of cheese-its to get into the bar
Sorry about last night..I didnt realize how drunk you were and when I closed the door it caused you to slam into the mirror...you'll probably piece together the puzzle when you read this and see your hand.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
being alone eating nachos and drinking from a giant munchen beermug really isnt that sad
do you think semen can infect my impacted wisdom tooth
You have proved your worthiness to join me on the quest of taking shots at every academic building on campus by showing up drunk to our test at 12:30 today
We were naked in bed for hours and we didn't have sex. Either he's gay or he wants to respect me. Neither of which I approve of.
bad night - i tried for naughty librarian but could only manage to pull off pissed off barrista.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Drug test isn't today. Now I'm just sitting in this orientation with a bag of your piss in my pants
I just want to buy drugs without having to pay an arm and a leg for it. Is that a horrible thing to ask for?
I mean, it's not like you can exactly complain to the manager and higher ups about it.
Unfortunately i'm awake, hungover, and covered in something I'm pretty sure is Easy Cheese. Send help.
You can’t judge a dick by its balls.
Finally hooked up with Ryan. Now I know why they call him “Beast Mode”. So. Many. Orgasms.
I might be getting fired on this week so the only option i see for tonight is to get smashed and have an orgy. actually this idea might explain why i'm not an ideal employee.
Randomize