I woke up and she had breakfast in bed for me
RUN RUN RUN RUN
naighbors jacking off again. i swear its his friday night ritual, its like he knows the night wont be ending in his favor
I'm glad my gym is open 24 hours..I stopped in on my way home to puke from the bar
we do all of our sexting over chat on words with friends, so my boyfriend doesn't know about it when he looks at my texts.
should i be impressed or disgusted that i was spitting glow-in-the-dark?
Apparently as I was doing the walk of shame home my dad's date was on her way to hers. hoes come in all ages these days
U took a sewing needle to his nipple
Psshh,
There is a hatefuck that has the destruction level of an atom bomb raging through my viens just aching to vaporize her.
i'm calling it my monica lewinsky shirt now. may it live forever in infamy.
I woke up with a stapler in my ass. Don't even complain to me.
He said the first movie he ever jerked off to was Titanic because he knew "they were totally doing it in that car."
*tries to be fun and flirty* *literally gets peed on*
You know that thing where you wouldn't typically eat ass but you're in love with him so you want to eat his ass, because it's HIS ass
My hook-up from last week somehow found me at the club, saw the girl I was trying to fuck, kissed me right in front of her, and walked off.
I'd send you a picture as proof but I want to marry him some day and that would be a deal breaker.
Randomize
