I'm talking handstands, sex in broad daylight, waking me up in the middle of the night. CRAZY
handstands? WTF?
she was a gymnast
go to hell.
goodnight i made you a song goodbye
Why are all the lights on in my house? Every single one. Someone should turn them off but I'm the only one here and I'm sure as hell not doin it.
my mom walked in on me smoking weed alone, listening to the eagles, and just staring at the river. she totally knew.
Do you ever look back at facebook pics and say, "are those really guys I had sex with?"
I justified spending $400 stocking my bar to my sister by saying it was an investment
Personally I think it's a tremendous investment
He just asked me to pee through my panties while he watched. I might need more tequila for this one.
Your roommates boyfriend just approached me while I was working to tell me about the staph infection he got on his face. Where do you find these people?
holy fuck that shirt looks so good on him, it was like he was born with it on. that shirt deserves a blow
I plan on drinking enough to kill at least 2 frat boys and make an aa meeting weep for joy
But seriously I don't know. I haven't seen her since I gave her back her 3 blind mice stick, and she just started hitting everybody with it.
You start to question your party girl tendencies when you're wearing the same shirt you wore the night before to work and you're trying to get last nights Jell-O shot off the sleeve on your way to work
conclusion: canadians have really freaky sex
My co-worker accidentally texted me regarding the threesome him and other one are planning.
I'm too pretty to be this sexually frustrated.
Randomize
