You said you were collecting Asians for your Kate Gosselin costume.
My face is bruised from laying on the concrete. NO MORE VODKA!
He's blaming gravity for his problems right now, so put that in perspective
after last halloween when i met that 26yr old guy from russia who was hot until we madeout and he became obsessed with touching my forehead after the ecstasy he did and then tried to sell me pills from an m&m mini container, i think im staying away from parties downtown
What color suit is the proper "i banged the bride" attire?
I know how to make vodka btw in case you want to come over and do a science project
I whipped my shit out and she just stared at it with a mean face. It was like a face off in a heavyweight boxing fight.
She's working this semester. Her dad saw he was listed as 'the atm' on her phone and cut off tuition for three months.
Yeah.. I'm sorry I broke your phone. But in my defense you handed me the frying pan.
He may not be fully over his current wife yet. But wait until I show him my tits in his office at the end of the day tonight.
Eating chips and sending nudes. This is my life.
Sex on the trampoline with your two best friends cheering you on: PRICELESS.
what are you getting to drink for new years?
well seeing as how i just got diagnosed with a uti, whatever we can mix with cranberry juice
How is it that I can make it to my 8am Friday morning still drunk after passing out the night before...but not to my 9am on Tuesday that I went to bed early for? Irony or karma?
There’s a child, alone, sitting on a picnic table out there, making bird noises
Randomize
