Im starting to realize why people dont masturbate while driving
I feel uncomfortable when she gargles my jizz.
So...AT&T finally added picture messaging for iPhone...bring on the tits!!!
i am officially better prepared for a hangover tomorrow than i was for christmas.
We already established this. No, he did not cum on the dog.
I just threw up over a bridge. I didn't even know there was a bridge in this town. Vodka is like a transportation device.
It's just good to know that when I drink like a twenty year old I still act like one.
My arms are still sore. Apparently, lube wrestling is the best workout ever.
And the cops are back. At least my pants are on this time
I was telling everyone at the frat that they had to try the "fantastic refreshment" that was everclear, vodka and country time
well i don't know if 30 seconds is exactly a good time but at least he bought me breakfast
Found a trail of Taco Bell hot sauce packets through the garage to our back door and cheese in my bra. I'll say it was a successful Sunday Funday.
Crazy homeless man drinking beer out of a vitamin water container on the bus just set me up on a date with the yuppie next to him
Tomorrow's lesson plan is going to be on hangovers and why drinking during the week is never a good idea. I hope my boss approves.
Last night i walked into a gas station to get condoms. I threw them on the counter and the guy gave me a funny look because i was wearing a bra under an open cardigan and no shoes. I screamed "DONT JUDGE ME!" and he gave them to me for free.
Randomize
