is your mom at the bar?
I need a man. I think Im going to put myself on Craigs list since they caught the killer and all.
Do it and if you add naked pictures youll get an instant reply
I think the best way to start out any day is to watch 80's music videos. It's like visual wheaties.
Shes in the fridge organizing my beer collection. I love having a girlfriend with OCD
If I should ask "why am I still single?" could someone please remind me of shooting mike and ikes out of my nose at the bartender last Saturday. many thanks
This should be a warning to men everywhere: do not send pictures of your erect penis to women you hardly know - they will add cats and send them to all of their friends.
If your wondering why there is a puddle on the floor is I may have decided to make a kiddie pool in your living room.
If you're asking how many times you took off your clothes and played with the tiki torches.....the answer is 3.
turns out it took a Belgian couchsurfer dressed as Heisenberg to rock my world.
We were getting breakfast he shit himself in the middle of ihop. Mid bite he just yells out o fuck.
That's a gentle way of saying I passed out like an 18-year-old on his first trip to Tijuana
It just so happens all of their names are Ryan, so I never have to change whose name I moan.
I'm surronded by jorts. You're probably too drunk to care. I'm gonna cry now. Love you.
He just kept repeating "It was like meep meep meep on my balls."
i woke up this morning from the best one night stand. i made the guy mickey mouse pancakes for breakfast and when i walked back into the bedroom he said "marry me"
Randomize
