I'm at subway, this 8 year old kid is judging my fashion sense with his dad. I want to kill myself.
It's ok, he's just 8, he's not judging you.
He just asked why I'm sitting alone. I honestly want to cry.
i want you to feel like i'm letting you into my heart, not just my vagina.
It was like little house on the drunk prairie.
She said she didn't want to have sex because she was so torn up about "this whole NBC thing."
I just sneezed and had an orgasam..THAT turned on
My vagina senses are tingling. I know your here.
My head. My head is the problem. Also alcoholism.
Keep it up. It gets easier when you turn 21. Something happens in people's brains when they turn 21 and all of a sudden you have the power to drink constantly and abuse drugs and still graduate with good grades and your shit together. Im almost positive I read it in my freshman year bio textbook
My friend wants your phone number so you can teach her how to take a beer bong. She saw you doing them last night and got jealous.
Just tell her to open her throat. I don't want to talk to anyone who is jealous of someone who woke up this morning with a cat in their shirt as a result of that glorious beer bonging skill.
You can't die you're my only democrat family member
I HAD TO TAKE A SHOT OF JAGER AND SOME REDBULL JUST TO SEE IF IT’LL MAKE MY MOUTH FEEL BETTER
When I woke up I had 6 missed calls making sure I was ok and asking if I remember showing my tits to a picture of her baby.
I'm laughing at the fact that I'm at Target right now buying vitamins and alcohol.
Also epiphany: I gotta quit fucking with dudes that have never seen Harry Potter. They all turn out to be shitheads who probably eat honeydew.
Well, for starters, you were growling and slurping beer from a puddle on the carpet. Let's all hope that was beer...
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