I heard we made out
The Redheads category on Pornhub is my number 2 site behind facebook on google chrome. I think I have a problem
Imagine two people making love on top of a unicorn . . . my life is the opposite of that.
my dad just encouraged me to do a kegstand
There are now half chewed girl scout cookies plastered to my windshield. Do you know anything about this?
You used the best tools you had at your disposal.
Slutty, slutty tools.
Haha you were definitely messed up. Let me know if you need anything
Could really use a time machine and a higher self esteem, in that order
Went to the elf storage building to help him get his old dresser. Found his brother's stash in the drawer and ended up passed out w him on the mattress in there instead.
I think I'm still drunk...I just gave my empty conditioner bottle a break-up speech before I threw it away.
No worries, I've prioritized my homework into "can do drunk" and "should be sober" categories. We're good.
I'm in my onesie attempting to spoon-feed myself cold soup. I'm playing freeze tag with my hangover. My hangover's winning.
Also I know you probably did not understand anything I said on the phone last night but thank you for pretending.
Please tell me im imagining that i claimed that i was king of the ducks.
I was so drunk, he put me to bed and went down stairs to hang out with his friends. Apparently, I was curled up in the closet, spooning the dresser when he came back up.
Snorted a dorito chip for 1$. Cross that off the bucket list.
Randomize
