The Worst (noun)- 1. Getting up at 6am after a night of drinking. 2. Wearing a Peter Rabbit costume.
hey can you give me head? jesse told me that you're really good
who is this?
jesse's little brother
My brother just put in eyedrops to talk to my mom on the phone
I just remember thinking, if she falls asleep, I'm totally eating that spilled chex mix right off of her.
As one final fuck you to the courthouse i'm paying the rest of this ticket with sacajawea coins.
get over here soon, theyre throwing bbeers at us from the roof. keyword : throwing
I might have hooked up with a 2003 alumni last night in the basement
Dude you were ten when he graduated
Wahoowaaaaaaa
I can't sleep. My mind keeps asking "turn down for what?" but it won't accept any of my answers.
He threw up on my head while I was blowing him, and then I started barfing, and the kitchen floor was a mess. Believe me, he will never, ever live this down.
Im not sure if the cops that just came are strippers or actually cops
They also submitted to my demands for pizza
Fuck you and fuck your stupid hat
Also I’m on 3%. Just Incase.. I miss you and I love you and you’re my everything and I’m getting drunk.
Where'd you go?
Laundry, im. A responsible drunk
I just found out why people like handcuffs.
Randomize
