And now we're talking about squeezing babies out of vaginas...
It was like a Michael Bay sized explosion located in my pussy.
i think i have herpe
just one?
He asked if I wanted to blow his flute? Please call me and pretend there is a family emergency!!!
while you were getting the key to the dorm from the lobby i was giving a drunk monolog to the security camera about my life
I swear that when I have my own bathroom, I'm gonna lock myself in there and masterbate for at least 3 days in sheer appreciation of it.
I think his glow in the dark Star Wars sheets, at the time, really turned me on.
Just threw up in nordstroms while shopping for moms bday with dad. He distracted workers for me. No more tequila
It sounded like he said "don't stop" but all I could hear were his balls.
Me and the cabbie are stopping on the way at a sit down restaurant to eat. My life is so sad.
Where are you? We're in between the guy dressed as a giant inflatable penis and the Justin Bieber lookalike lesbians
Does the penis have a genital wart?
I just washed my birth control down with captain because I don't have any water and I need to wash the blood off my face before I leave my room.....
Remember when I said I had my shit together?
he looked at me and said 'happiness is a warm blanket' then stole my vodka.
You spent the entire night trying to get me to make out with you
yeah I remember. your boyfriend shouldnt have cheered me on though.
I smell of tequila and Im going to a funeral. This is my life.
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