eh.. i should've known it was headed downhill after he used the phrase "pussy sundae"
i feel like im doing the pre-walk of shame..like every car that drives by is like, ooooo look at that girl, in that itty bitty dress, yep shes about to get her skank on tonight...
hey, we don't wanna leave the house because we're watching fireworks on tv. this is america.
So, it's like build-a-bear for your vag?
i was so drunk that i ate a carrot out of her guiena pig's cage and thought it was normal
just saw a guy throwing up in the urinal at Dennys. Either he had one hell of last night or we are going to eat somewhere else
I have to brush my teeth today to feel like I did something.
i am doomed to only fuck guys with curved cocks
The dingo escaped by eating a hole through my screen door. It's loose in the city somewhere.
What kind of gift says "I'm sorry you accidentally stuck your hands in my puke (even though you should know better by now)"?
I fucked some frat guy. Then I found my brother after and made him take his shirt off and then I made him tell me he loves me
all a girl really needs is a few good pair of leggings and a drug dealer that delivers.
For starters i called the cops on myself for trying to destroy the ladys decorations
I woke up naked with a duck on my head. I think something went horribly wrong.
It's 5am and I come home to you naked on the kitchen table and 3 people I never saw before fucking on the back porch ... and my weed gummy worms are gone. fuck you I'm taking your mom's offer
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