i just went dwnstairs and there are 5 guys without their shirts on hugging each other. i think i should leave now
Now you know why i just sit on the toilet and scream
You don't even know the meaning of faking an orgasm until you sleep with an uncircumcised ginger.
I came home to my brother stoned out of his mind. He got a high score on COD and asked me to have a celebration yogurt with him.
Do you remember puking up your retainer into the toilet and putting it right back in your mouth?
One of my coworkers just invited me to a wet t-shirt contest this weekend in honor of her son's 21st Birthday.
I woke up in bed alone w 2 bite marks on my boob... Salt and pepper shakers In my purse along w a bottle of steak sauce.... The drunkasauraus has struck again
if i'm ever face-down on the ground puking again, promise me you won't try to braid my hair?
Please root for the ravens. I now have oral sex riding on this and it's been sooooo long
Am I not being subtle enough by giving him a rainbow striped bong, during PRIDE MONTH?
I just found your ripped underwear on my chandelier. Care to explain?
My lash glue is stronger than my sense of self respect
I wish I had a tail.
Why?
...why not?
I don't know why, but whenever I shave my balls I feel more aerodynamic.
Okay I’ll say it... THIS MOVIE FUCKS
That’s probably the first time I've heard Little Women described that way and I love it
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