i make out with random ppl when i drink he shouldnt feel special
He kept asking me to take off my bra and I sat up so he could. He fumbled with it for a few minutes and when I sighed and went to undo it he goes, "Yeah, you got this."
I am at a striph cluv. They are ovealls everywhere. I have hot rock botto.
I'm drinkin whiskey outta the bottle trying to earn the trust of some ducks in the yard
I just want to make mistakes. Like stds that go away with antibiotics mistakes.
Can't promise anything, there's vodka in my thermos
Roommate is eating a chimichanga, watching Dr Doolittle 2 and weeping. His Tuesday hangovers make me feel better about my life.
She woke me up with an urgent call telling me she was rolling on Mollie and swimming in the ocean. I mean that's just great. If she drowns, I'll feel responsible.
I went to look at my notes for my take home final and all I had written was 'you're on E. You won't remember a damn thing anyway.'
I feel strange, like something is off with my body
Yeah that's called sobering up, we've been drunk for the past 4 days
when I woke up, he was drunk and singing "soft kitty" and petting my face
I think you'll be amused to know that I achieved the impossible feat of tripping over my own dick
Found a pic on my phone from last night. You're drunk. Arm wrestling some guy. In the bar bathroom. At a baby changing station. It's my new wallpaper.
Dude, you were so drunk you were hanging from the ceiling of my car pretending you were a sloth while we were on 81.
UGH I HATE BEING THIS WAY IM GOING TO GO HUG THE CACTUS YOU GOT ME
Randomize
