47 days without vaginal penetration. Im pretty sure it's grown over.
Do you realize that if your cunt was a missing person it would be assumed dead?
This girl brought half a watermelon to class. I want to be on her level.
like a sex slave...but with a better dental insurance plan
Are we sharing a room, or can I pack my vibrator?
Yes to both. We'll use the workout rotation from dorm life.
I think they took out their livers years ago and replaced them with like cheese graters or something. Only explanation.
Tried to drunkenly hop a fence with my cast on to get away from the cops but ended up falling over a bench.. how do I explain those bruises to my parents?
I have 39 hot sauces from Chipotle
It's like earning obesity badges
I woke up hugging a box of cheerios that had "wonder woman" written in sharpie on it. So much for a sober night.
Dead. I am actually dead. Also, worst nightmare confirmed: throwing up in a four hundred person lecture.
Pandora was on point with the sex music tonight
My apologies. I'll try not to let my dick interfere with official work duties in the future.
Do normal couples celebrate occasions naked with Chicken McNuggets and BBQ sauce?
I FLASHED A GUY AT MCDONALDS FOR A FREE BREAKFAST BURRITO. IT WORKED!
You took the glass microwave plate and said it was the closest thing to a frisbee, let me know how that works out for you
Yes. I had to slow down my handjob so he would last...-and I give shitty handjobs to begin with
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