If I'm having a dream where I'm having sex and I can actually feel it between my legs because I've had a lot of it recently, does that make me a whore?
I have a feeling this is a serious question. Problem solve, Jess.. I'm going to let you figure that one out on your own
I was born with a shot glass in my hand
We're so high we're finding things in the room to build a submarine with. So far we have two cardboard boxes, a piece of wood, puffy paint, and an empty bottle to use as a periscope.
Just got kicked in the balls by a girl in tap shoes. Fuck EVERYTHING
other girls like to lick balls but none of them live for it like u do
You said "i miss him" not "i miss his dick." You're getting emotionally attatched. Shame.
if you spike my cofee one more time im gona fuck you up. im presenting to the mayor in sevven fucking minuets. fuck you and youir fucking bartending classses i am so fuckign fcked
Apparently, Mom was less-than-happy about us shotgunning beers before we opened presents.
I mean it was his birthday. How was I supposed to tell him he could not wear a sombrero while we bang.
After he finished he sang his college fight song like it was some victory
No it'll be my boobs and the luge part will be from my nipples. Everyone will be sucking beer from my perfectly sculpted and partially melted tits.
well, mom whipped her new boobs out at the dining room table. So yeah you could say we had a pretty casual thanksgiving
He said did you just interrupt me midsentence to admire another man's penis?
You're just a heartbreaker with a knitting problem
I'm eating go-gurt and drinking beer alone in the dark. This is why you shouldn't marry young.
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