sorry I missed your bday party.,I was vid chatting with that new guy I'm talking to all night...happy biirthday though
Using the ceiling fan to slice the hotdogs in mid-air can only be contributed to our liberal use of 1800.
Her face just looks like a massive mistake. That's the only legitimate description I can say about it
It's not quite a landing strip... It's more like a soul patch for my vagina.
Three guys came up to me at the bar and started dancing on me, while screaming "Johnson's girl." That's the last time I sleep with a freshmen.
Yes I have a handle on life. A handle of Svedka.
Can you work for me at 4? We might have just taken some drugs we found in the couch and... end of story
I vote for a trading skills night. You teach me to juggle, I'll teach you knife fighting, and we'll both learn banjo
I didn't punch him it was just love coming out of my fist
Just peed out a window, not entirely sure it's open. Can't tell. I'll find out in the morning.
I've started brushing my teeth at 6pm, because honestly alcohol is the only thing I consume after that
I found dried jizz from last night on my leg while feeding an infant a bottle. I am not fit to care for children
I walked in on him pumping himself up by headbanging to the drumbeat from Jumanji.
Yeah. We had phone sex then cried together, it was beautiful and heartbreaking
I woke up this morning to pee and six dollar bills fell out of my underwear. I guess that lap dance just bought me lunch.
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